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Original Article on The OKClarity

Passover is known in our tradition as the holiday of freedom and liberation. Yet, the Pesach season is often muddled with anxiety and family stress. This time of year is especially difficult for individuals and families dealing with mental health and substance abuse issues, and in today’s world who isn’t dealing with something?

“The Jewish holidays and Pesach in particular can be festive and meaningful,” observes Rabbi Elie Weinstock of Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. “But Pesach can be very stressful, especially for those with mental health issues. Whether it be the obsessive cleaning or the ingathering of family, the Pesach infrastructure tends to increase family stress and anxiety.”

Additionally, students are on break from their studies. This means a long period of time with little structure. Structure tends to be a positive thing for most people. The lack of structure during the Passover season tends to increase anxiety and create more space for individual & family stress to surface.

Veteran therapists working with the Orthodox Jewish community offer insights and suggestions for better managing this pre-Passover and Passover stress and anxiety. The first step is always understanding what Pesach represents and brings up for each of us as we prepare to be with nuclear and extend families.

Your expectations and their connection to Pesach anxiety and family stress


Michelle Halle, a licensed clinical social worker in Lakewood, New Jersey, acknowledges that Passover stress “has a lot to do with expectations and self-care.” She reports, “A lot of people don’t think about giving themselves what they need.” We tend to swamp ourselves with the needs, wants, and expectations of others and ignore the most vital person, ourselves.

She goes further to highlight how “Passover often serves as a measuring stick,” which only increases pre-Passover stress and anxiety. People often have expectations of where they will be by the time Pesach rolls around. They hoped they would be married, have a child, or find a dream job before the upcoming Passover. “When these things didn’t happen, they get down, blame themselves, and add to the anxiety and family stress that already exists.”

What can we do to reduce Passover anxiety and family stress?

1- Identify expectations, feelings, and practice sitting with discomfort

Halle encourages her clients to spend time working to understand what is contributing to Passover anxiety and family stress.

Acknowledge the sadness and disappointment. Sit with the thoughts and acknowledge them.

Halle notes that, “People aren’t in the habit of doing this. However, once they develop this important life skill, they can use it all year long. Ultimately, we need replace self-judgment with compassion and add meaning to our lives so we feel empowered instead of disappointed and discouraged.”

2- Avoid regressing along with family members

Halle encourages her clients to be aware of possible triggers and regressive pulls which are often at play when people get together with families of origin. She notes a common phenomenon, during the holidays people often regress to the family dynamics of an earlier stage in life. Staying mindful of this tendency ensures you respond verses react to sudden changes in family dynamics. This of course will diffuse much family stress and tension.

3- Take advantage of support groups

Rabbi Weinstock notes an additional area of family stress and anxiety. “The seder is a reminder of who is NOT around the table.”

He has noticed a preponderance of support groups for bereaved individuals before holidays – especially Rosh Hashanah, Chanukah, and Pesach. He encourages people to take advantage of these supports so they are reminded they are not alone in their pain and loss.

4- Watch out for obsessive tendencies

“Mitzvah observance has the potential to increase obsessive tendencies”, observes Rabbi Weinstock. This is not necessarily a bad thing if done in moderation. However, when it spirals out of control, it is very unhealthy and extra stressful.”

Since there are so many Mitzvos associated with Pesach, those who are prone to obsessive tendencies need to watch that they don’t spiral out of control. Keep your therapist and Rabbi close by!

5- Be proactive and communicative

Menachem Kiwak, LMHC and adjunct professor in the clinical mental health counselor program of Touro College, observes increased stress levels in nearly all of his private clients in the weeks leading up to Passover. “The time before Pesach is literally crazy. People expect so much from themselves!”

Kiwak suggests using communication in the pre-Passover time to effectively reduce family stress, tension, and anxiety. When spouses and families sit down together to jointly devise a plan which may include “where family members can help, when to have a cleaning lady, and where we can settle,” the holiday will be more relaxing and joyous. If you can’t do this with your spouse, do it with a trusted friend, relative, therapist, or mentor.

6- Avoid going to extremes in your Pesach preparation

Kiwak feels that many in his practice “tend to go overboard” with their Passover expectations and preparations. Remember the distinction between what is required by Halacha (Jewish law), and extra strictures individuals place on themselves.

Kiwak recommends that people remember to make a distinction between Pesach cleaning and spring cleaning. “Be realistic and honest with yourself about what you want to do, and what you need to do, and what you cando.”

Kiwak observes the wisdom of the rabbis who came up with a formula for nullifying chametz—as a way of assuring we don’t go to extremes. “If we have this formula, why not use it?” Halacha is giving us permission to not go overboard.

7- Remember the goal is Simchas Yom Tov, not Passover anxiety and family stress

Kiwak further reminds clients, “Simchas yom tov  – the joy of the holiday – is also a mitzvah!” He tells his clients, “Don’t be so hard on yourself–and don’t compare yourselves to others.”


Passover preparation and the seders can induce anxiety and family stress. However, careful preparation and honest conversations will maximize your chances for a joyous Yom Tov.

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Original Article in Chabad.org:

The sensory-friendly Sukkot celebration enabled Friendship Circle participants and members of the larger community to come together for the Sukkot event.

Silverstein Kramer relates that she helped start the Chicago Friendship Circle, then called Friendship Circle, as soon as she returned to Milwaukee eight years ago, and “we haven’t stopped since.” She is impressed at how well the Steins listen to parental concerns and input. She is especially pleased that the adult division is “quite active.”

And she loved this year’s sensory-friendly sukkah event. “It was so different from anything we’ve had before. It was amazing, fun, joyous, all-inclusive—with older and younger participants and caregivers and parents.” She described a disco ball hung at eye level, the many different colors and the headphones. “It makes a lot of sense. Some people can’t handle a lot of noise, big crowds and strangers. It was a fantastic idea. I am all for doing it again!”

The Steins were pleased as well. “It was incredible to see people with all abilities coming together and feeling like they had a place … Everybody felt included and had a great time.” Given the number of special days on the Jewish calendar, the Steins and the headphone company are likely to find ways to continue their wonderful partnership.

Sukkah guests could enjoy the party from outside on the street or inside the Lubavitch House.

Sukkah guests could enjoy the party from outside on the street or inside the Lubavitch House.

“When I called the headphone company, they said they never thought of the special-education aspect. I think it is a game-changer for them; they may have found a new market.” Stein rented 40 sets of headphones that light up in a range of colors.

“When I called the headphone company, they said they never thought of the special-education aspect. I think it is a game-changer for them; they may have found a new market.” Stein rented 40 sets of headphones that light up in a range of colors.

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Original Article in JNS:

Let’s face it: Sitting through services can feel long, arduous and not so interactive for worshippers. Congregants tend to talk with seatmates and neighbors to help pass the time.

But not at Rabbi Yehoshua Soudakoff’s High Holiday services. There, you could hear a pin drop. Worshippers had all eyes focused on the prayer leader for hours on end, enjoying it so much that they wound up spending the entire holiday sleeping in the shared apartment/synagogue space of the newly married Chabad rabbinical couple in Israel.Subscribe to The JNS Daily Syndicate by email and never miss our top stories

Rabbi Yehoshua, 27, and his wife, Cheftziba, both deaf from birth, recently hosted Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services in their Rishon Letzion apartment for members of the deaf community. “Twenty came and slept in our home. We had services and meals together. It was really wonderful,” Soudakoff tells the JNS in a phone call from Israel with the assistance of an interpreter. When asked how it was advertised in Israel, Soudakoff quickly (and playfully), replies: “Word of hand!”

“The deaf community in Israel is very close and connected,” relates the executive director of the Jewish Deaf Foundation (JDF) and director of Chabad of the Deaf Community, based in Kfar Chabad, “and Israel is a small country. Word spreads like wildfire.”

The rabbi’s main goal is to create an accessible prayer experience where “people don’t feel deaf, where they feel like regular people.” He notes that in typical services, members of the deaf community are constantly wondering, “What is going on? What’s happening?”

Soudakoff’s services resemble a more conventional, cantor-led service in many ways. But perhaps out of necessity, it’s also more interactive.

“We have a hard-of-hearing person who davens [leads prayers] at the amud [prayer platform], and he signs parts of the tefillah [prayers] so that the rest of the group can follow along,” describes Soudakoff. “Another person stands directly across and tells the congregation when to answer, and indicating the page number on the machzor [prayer book], as well as signing part of the davening [when the chazzan isn’t signing]. So it was more of an interactive experience, with the chazzan, the gabbai and the congregation all davening together, and knowing where everyone else is holding. Which is the whole point of the experience—so that a deaf person doesn’t feel like he or she is catching up or totally lost in prayer.”

He further describes some of the inner workings of the service. “There is singing in the sense that there is a sound, but also signing out the words of the tefillah. For example, we would all read ‘Avinu Malkeinu’ together, or ‘Unetaneh Tokef.’ ”

During Sukkot, he will be driving a mobile sukkah from Metula, in the northernmost town in Israel, all the way down to Eilat at Israel’s southern tip, meeting with deaf people along the way to shake the lulav and the etrog.

Singing through signing, following the cantor

Moishy Wertheimer, a board member of the Jewish Deaf Foundation who met Soudakoff many years ago when they were roommates in yeshivah, served as cantor for the High Holidays. “The crowd sings through signing, following the chazzan, with assistance of Rabbi Soudakoff,” he clarifies. “There is also shofar-blowing.”

Those who have cochlear implants can hear it; others can feel the vibrations, and some put their hand right on the shofar.

Wertheimer shares some of the challenges of leading services for a community that doesn’t sing. “To be a chazzan leading a deaf crowd is a challenge because they cannot hear me, but Rabbi Soudakoff interprets the prayers into Israeli sign language,” he says, acknowledging that it was definitely different than usual. “Rabbi Soudakoff is a real shliach tzibbur[‘public messenger,’ Wertheimer’s translation]. I learned no matter if they don’t need my voice to lead the prayer, they still they need to ‘feel’ the voice of a chazzan.”

Wertheimer says he’s proud of what the Soudakoffs have accomplished so far. “For many deaf people, our shul is very accessible for them; they can participate without any [communication] barrier.”

Soudakoff would next like to build a synagogue and community center. “We have a lot of dreams. With a physical space, we can do more activities and hold more services.” He already has an impressive record of determination and success in the world of Jewish learning, education, outreach and camping.

Working towards greater inclusion and awareness

Soudakoff was born deaf to two deaf parents. His two brothers and his sister are also deaf. He had a very rich Jewish experience growing up in Los Angeles. “My mother started an organization in Los Angeles for the Jewish deaf. It was in our living room. I always saw events there. I grew up with that exposure.”

Soudakoff then attended Yeshiva Nefesh Dovid, a Jewish deaf high school in Toronto. “There are not many deaf people who have the same opportunities that I had growing up,” he acknowledges.

After three years of studying Jewish texts, he graduated and returned to Los Angeles—thirsty to continue pursuing Jewish learning and his involvement in the Jewish community. Soudakoff quickly learned that the Jewish world offers very few resources for the Jewish deaf, including access to the Jewish community and functions. “I wanted to change that” he says.

So he began blogging and making online videos about Jewish holidays and ideas. “My sister would make videos of herself making latkes or matzah-ball soup, and I would sign and later add captions.” (See “Jewish Deaf Multi Media” on YouTube).

Soudakoff then started summer camps for Jewish children who are deaf. The camp met in the Poconos of Pennsylvania for one summer, then in California the next summer. This past summer, the two-week camp took place in Italy; it was a travel camp with one week in Tuscany, and the second week visiting the north and Rome.

Jeremy J. Fingerman, CEO of the Foundation for Jewish Camp, says “we admire Rabbi Soudakoff’s dedicated efforts. His inspired work reminds us of the importance of making Jewish camp—and indeed, our entire Jewish community—accessible for everyone.”

Jay Ruderman, president of the Ruderman Family Foundation that works to promote and support inclusion worldwide, is similarly impressed with Soudakoff and his work. “How great that we are living in a time when people are proud of who they are and teaching us that people of all abilities have the right to be equal members of our society,” he states.

Wertheimer, the prayer leader, is pleased with what the Soudakoffs and the deaf community have accomplished so far.

“We are working together to bring accessibility for the deaf community into the Jewish world,” he says, pointing out that a great deal of work still lies ahead. “They have a big responsibility for making sure that any deaf Jew has access to Jewish life. I think there has been a lack of Judaism in the Jewish deaf communities because there no awareness and sensitivity for deaf people in Judaism world.”

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