Published Articles

Original Article Posted On The Jerusalem Post

The Bentows no longer live in Denmark, but living in Israel, they have many reminders of their former country.

For the Bentows of Denmark, making aliyah represents something unique for each of the five family members. For mother Metti, it is a chance for the former El Al flight attendant to make aliyah for the second time in 25 years. For father Matisyahu, a former El Al security agent and observant Jew by Choice for decades, it is an opportunity to practice Judaism comfortably and in a supportive community. For two children, it means serving in the IDF. For the youngest son, it is a chance to integrate into Israeli society through attending school with peers. For the whole family, aliyah is a logical next step in their love for and commitment to Israel. It is also a practical response to the antisemitism experienced on many occasions in their native Denmark. 

Metti first made aliyah at age 18, lived in Israel for five years, and worked for El Al. “They sent me back to Denmark for one or two years – that was the plan,” she smiles. She adds, “I met my husband, we had three kids, and returned to Israel 25 years later.”

Matisyahu, known at the time as Claus, was studying Hebrew at university. He was inspired by a female friend at the university (who worked in security for El Al) to consider working for El Al security. “They were in doubt about my Jewishness, even though I was in the process of conversion from age 22,” he says. He spent time in Israel working on a kibbutz but found the Rabbinate to not be very supportive of his conversion.

“We met at El Al and realized it would be the two of us,” reports Metti. Matisyahu converted, the two married and had two children in just over two years. “We discussed aliyah many times over the years,” Metti adds, noting that they spent the first 15 years of marriage “exploring our level of Yiddishkeit.” The two agreed that raising the children “Jewish and as proud Zionists” was important. “From the moment they first breathed, we sang Shema and ‘Hatikvah,’” Metti notes proudly.

The Bentow family lived in Copenhagen in close proximity to the Great Synagogue and the Chabad House. They joke that they lived near the Rabbi Triangle, an area of town close to the homes of three rabbis. The children attended Jewish day school and kindergarten, frequently visited Israel, and spent a lot of time discussing and debating Israel and other Jewish topics around the table.

The flag of Denmark (credit: REUTERS)

While the family discussed aliyah from time to time, daughter Hannah, even as a preteen, was clear in her plans to move to Israel. “She told us that the moment she can, ‘I will move to Israel and join the IDF. I will never live in Denmark!’” 

This prophetic pronouncement came before the tragic, life-altering day of February 15, 2015, when she was celebrating her bat mitzvah.

A Denmark bat mitzvah tragedy: Violent antisemitism

During Hannah’s bat mitzvah, which had been postponed and rescheduled due to her maternal grandmother’s death, a terrible community tragedy took place. Dan Uzan, 37, a beloved Danish Jewish security guard, was shot and killed outside the synagogue by a terrorist. Two Danish Security and Intelligence Service police officers were also wounded in the attack. “I think I understood it was something that would change our lives forever,” recounts Metti, teary-eyed. The attack and a series of additional antisemitic events in Denmark were transformative for the family.

Metti recounts that nine months after the attack at the synagogue, a 15-year-old Danish girl, who had become radicalized by a Muslim friend, was arrested for a plot to bomb a school. “Maybe it is time to take off Jewish symbols,” Metti thought. Hannah and Jacob told their mother, “It is never going to happen.”

Within a short period, Jacob, who usually tucked in his Jewish star when walking late at night in Denmark, was attacked and beaten up. One month later, Hannah’s Israel necklace was torn from her neck, and she experienced antisemitic taunts (including seeing swastikas and hearing chants of “Free Palestine”) at school. 

When the Halle Synagogue in Germany experienced a shooting on Yom Kippur on October 9, 2019, Metti was deeply worried and said, “That’s it. We can’t stay here! I feel pushed out.” She notes that the idea of leaving Denmark, their home, was not joyous.

Jacob, who had recently completed a carpentry apprenticeship, started considering serving in the IDF. He even considered the possibility of serving with Hannah but realized it would be difficult with his family being so far away. As the family was exploring options, Metti was pleased to learn that Heidrick & Struggles, the executive search and management consulting company headquartered in Chicago, which she had been working with for eight years, was opening an office in Tel Aviv. “‘This is your chance,’ my boss said.” She then broke the news to her children, who were delighted.

As the Bentows approach the second anniversary of their aliyah, they are honest about the successes and the challenges. “It is important to not do it for one reason only – you need a multitude of reasons to make aliyah, as there will be hard days,” says Metti. While Metti moved to Israel and continued working for the American company as executive assistant and office manager, Matisyahu has had a more difficult time finding employment. Despite having a bachelor’s and a master’s degrees and experience in the mental health field, degrees and certifications are different in Israel; he is currently working as a security guard, as well as a caregiver to the elderly.

The Bentows came to Israel to return to the place that Metti had come to years earlier, to get away from European antisemitism, to offer their children the chance to contribute to their new country through service in the IDF, and for a better religious life. Matisyahu is happy that he and his family can “live life fully as Jews in a strong community.” He also notes that he can’t go back to Denmark now, as “pro-Palestinian forces have taken over public discourse, they tear down posters of hostages, and threaten Holocaust survivors.”

Metti describes their time in Israel as “an adventure” and encourages olim to adapt that approach. The Bentows are pleased with the extraordinary health care in Israel. They encourage olim to come with good Hebrew language skills and financial security and/or a decent-paying job. “You won’t make Danish wages. You will want to come with a job if you can and get out of the minimum wage trap!” advises Matisyahu. “Don’t come for material reasons.”

While the Bentows did not come for materials reasons, they admit it is wonderful to be able to go to a supermarket and “eat meat daily without it costing half of your salary.” That was not the case in Denmark.

The Bentows no longer live in Denmark, but they have many reminders of their former country. There is a community of Danish Jews in Ra’anana, and they regularly remember Dan Uzan, the beloved security guard from their old shul. There is a KKL Forest (Casuarina Circle) in Israel named in his memory, and the Bentows remain closely connected to the Uzan family.

When Jacob, 22, completed eight months of intensive training in the IDF’s Nahal Brigade in July, he received a special gift: Mordechai Uzan, the father of Dan Uzan, came to his tekes kumta (beret ceremony) and presented Jacob with his own army beret.

The Bentows will always be connected to their former home of Denmark and their beloved current home of Israel. ■

The Bentow Family From Denmark to Ra’anana, 2021

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Original Article is Posted at Jerusalem Post

The Jerusalem residents, who made aliyah in February, started making a dent in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now they’re trying to do the same in Israel.

When Nellie Neeman-Bochner and Glenn Bochner started dating, they already discussed how they would “make a dent” if they ended up getting married. 

The Jerusalem residents, who made aliyah in February, started doing so together in Cincinnati, Ohio, where they hosted a very welcoming minyan in their home for ten years, which Glenn reports “brought Clal Yisrael together.” 

The couple has increased the ways they are making a dent in Israel and the world since coming on aliyah nine months ago. And they couldn’t be happier – even as Israel faces the toughest times since Nellie’s father fought and was wounded in the 1948 War of Independence. 

Nellie has wanted to realize her dream of aliyah since spending her post-high school gap year in Israel. Her parents were not so crazy about the idea. “I’ve been yearning to come back ever since,” she says. 

“From the start, I was open to it,” she recalls. “We [Glenn and I] were clear that it was our life goal and said we would come in five to eight years. We let the minyan know that we were on track to make aliyah in five years. Baruch Hashem, we did.”

Baka neighborhood in Jerusalem (credit: MARC ISRAEL SELLEM/THE JERUSALEM POST)

The couple was very thoughtful and intentional in their planning. They knew they wanted to live in Jerusalem and spent between two weeks to five months staying in various apartments to get a sense of certain neighborhoods. “We tried different neighborhoods – Sha’arei Hessed, Talpiot, and we are now in Mekor Haim. We are moving to Baka next week,” Glenn notes. “We hope it will be our last,” Nellie offers. 

Both agree that each neighborhood has been great and it is difficult to choose, noting that it is an honor and a privilege to be in the holiest city in the world.

Making a dent in Israel

THE BOCHNERS started making their own dent during those visits to the country. Glenn describes their love of “hiking, exploring nature, and driving around the country.” On one trip near the Dead Sea, they were walking in a pine grove and discovered “an unbelievable amount of garbage in piles – like a garbage dump.” They began bagging the garbage and have returned four or five times together and with friends to continue the clean-up operation.

Their trips around the country have an additional benefit for Nellie’s work. The Manhattan-born speech and language therapist, turned thriller and romance writer, and Anglo writers’ group leader (Facebook group, Booklovers of Israel) is the author of the Jon Steadman thriller series. She is working on her fifth thriller, Immortal, which follows Spree, Resurrection, Vengeance, and Duplicity. Nellie’s website, nellieneeman.com, provides more information on her thriller books.

Her books often feature Israel as a backdrop, and one of the main characters, Dr. Terry Lavi, is a geneticist at the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology. “I also have a hidden agenda – it is very important for me to show Israel and Jewish people in a positive light through stories. I hope I am succeeding,” she says. 

Nellie published her fourth romantic comedy, Soaring Hearts, which she wrote under the pen name Ellie Hartwood as she does for her Clean Romance books. In addition, she has published eight novellas.

In her spare time, she works with Glenn as a shadchanit through the SawYouAtSinai matchmaking site. “I have been making shidduchim since I was a kid! The first match I made have been married for 34 years.” She praises Glenn for being “good at mentoring singles and speaking about challenges. We are a good team.” While technically, payment is expected by Jewish law, she notes, “We do it for the mitzvah.”

The Bochners regularly open their homes to various cohorts of singles for Shabbat meals. “We pick a target [age group] – 20s to 60s – and invite numerous people who we think will go well together.” Glenn generally poses a question and facilitates a structured conversation. “We try to keep it relaxed,” he notes.

Glenn, who grew up in Albany, New York, and attended the Georgia Institute of Technology, is a mechanical engineer by training and recently retired after 38 years at Procter & Gamble as an engineering manager and “in-house entrepreneur.” He initially thought it might be possible to continue his Procter & Gamble work full time from Israel, but then realized it was not feasible.

“We both realized that being here and living with these holy people is our priority,” he explains. He is currently developing other businesses.

Glenn often explains to friends that he couldn’t be happier with what he describes as the “rhythm of the day,” which “starts with holiness and purposefulness.” He elaborates, “I go to a beautiful minyan, then daf yomi, have some time with my wife, then by mid-afternoon, after I catch up and relax, I work.” 

He feels fortunate to have made aliyah when he did. The current situation has provided numerous volunteer opportunities. “There is an unbelievable level of volunteerism. People are tripping over each other to help out and say thank you.” He recently has been involved with Grilling for the IDF, which regularly serves barbecue dinners to soldiers. 

In addition, the Bochners joined a small group of volunteers who are managing Am Echad b’Lev Echad – One Nation, One Heart, an organization focused on “celebrating our commonalities and ways to love each other.” The couple says that donations to the organization help secure dri-fit shirts, which contain the inspiring message of pride and unity, for soldiers to wear under their uniforms and provide an opportunity “to unite the Jewish people behind our soldiers.” 

The Bochners feel fortunate that their aliyah has gone smoothly. Nellie is fluent in Hebrew, and Glenn continues to make progress and plans to take ulpan soon. “We anticipated the bureaucracy and we have been here many times, so we had a sense of what to anticipate. There have been no major surprises,” he says.

The biggest challenge? Being far away from their three children – aged 25 to 31, who live in Los Angeles, Chicago, and Boston – and from Nellie’s mother. They hope their children will come one day, noting that some are very Zionistic and are actively discussing aliyah.

The Bochners’ aliyah and the potential aliyah of their children are a tremendous tribute to Nellie’s father, who came from Romania and fought for Israel’s independence 75 years ago. They hope their story of Aliyah will help inspire others to make the leap as well.■

NELLIE NEEMAN-BOCHNER, 57, AND GLENN BOCHNER, 61 FROM CINCINNATI TO JERUSALEM, FEBRUARY 2023

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Original Article Is Posted On Chabad.org

A family’s tragedy in Israel unites Jews from near and far

Margit and Yosi Silverman were murdered on Oct. 7 by Hamas terrorists in their home in Kibbutz Nir Oz, Israel. Though initially thought to have been taken hostage, they were soon identified and buried on the Monday after Simchat Torah.

Some 5,600 miles away, in Kingston, N.Y., Margit’s brother, Maurice Shnaider, suddenly became a mourner. The Peru-born, longtime resident of Colorado had just recently moved to Kingston, where he’d joined the Chabad-Lubavitch of Ulster County Jewish community, and he wondered whether he’d be able to even gather a quorum for prayers during the week-long shiva mourning period.

“I hoped we could gather 10 or 20 people,” says Shnaider. Instead, over the next week, 800 people showed up for shiva. “Some people came from three and four hours away.”

Kingston Jewish community member Michelle Tuchman was amazed by the scene. “Each night, hundreds of people came—even buses of people,” she says. “They came from Philadelphia, New Jersey and Montreal. I was so touched watching these young people coming to Maurice’s house.”

Howard Vichinsky, president of Chabad of Ulster, was similarly struck by the numbers and range of people who came to comfort Maurice and his family.

“People came from all over to pay their respects and to show their support and sympathy for the living,” he says. “They came from Lakewood, Englewood, Teaneck [New Jersey]; yeshivahs in Monsey and Riverdale, and in Durham [New York]; the local Reform temple; buses from junior high schools and high schools, Yeshiva University—way beyond our community.”

Vichinsky was particularly touched by a large group that came from a Chassidic yeshivah in Monsey, N.Y. “They came and sang beautiful songs in his home; you could see how comforting an act that was.”

About 50 people came the first night, says Vichinsky, then 150 on the second night, and 250 on the third. They came throughout the day—not just at minyan times—and stayed for hours.

“No one had ever seen anything like this,” he says. “Certainly not in Kingston.”

Shnaider (center left, in baseball cap) sits shiva in his home in Kingston, N.Y. He initially didn’t know who would come for the mourning period, but some 800 people showed up throughout the week. (Photo: Rabbi Yitzhak Hecht)

Tears and Dancing

Rabbi Yitzhak Hecht, together with his wife, Leah, directs Chabad of Ulster County. He began to learn of the mass terror attack in Israel as Shabbat—Simchat Torah in Israel and Shemini Atzeret abroad—progressed. He included additional Tehillim (“Psalms”) in the service but also placed an additional emphasis on “wiping out the negatives with positives” by stressing the need to rejoice in the holiday even more so than usual.

“We knew we needed to have more simcha [joy] than usual,” he recalls. Simchat Torah is the day the Jewish people dance together with the Torah, so “we danced our hearts out. That is what the Rebbe [Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, of righteous memory,] would have wanted us to do. He would want every Jew to do another mitzvah and another as a way of responding.”

When the holiday was out and the full-scope of the horror had set in, Rabbi Hecht and the community learned that not only had hundreds of their brethren been slaughtered in the Holy Land, but that one of their own had been directly affected.

Not only were Shnaider’s sister and brother-in-law among the murdered: Maurice’s niece and nephew, Shiri (Silverman) and Yarden Bibas, and their two sons, Ariel, 4, and Kfir, who just turned 10 months old, were kidnapped and are currently being held captive by Hamas in Gaza. Awful images of Shiri holding her two red-headed boys as they’re being taken by Hamas are among those seared into the public’s minds from that terrible day.

“This horrible event was just a big blow to the whole community,” says Vichinsky. “Anyone who came to pay respects for Maurice’s loss was also paying respects for a tragedy that happened to all Jews that day—in Israel, and by extension, to all of us.”

Maurice, his wife Cindy and the youngest of their three boys had only joined the Kingston community a few months ago, but already they’ve become cherished members, with all the little things that come along with that: At one point, Maurice had mentioned to the rabbi that he’d owned and operated a coffee shop in Denver. Ever since, he’s been brewing fresh coffee for everyone who comes to the Kingston morning minyan on Mondays and Thursdays.

But Hecht was still touched when he observed how deeply the community came together to support Maurice and his family. “The unity we saw was uplifting. Everyone felt that we are all in it together,” he says. “From that alone, Moshiach should come!”

Rabbi Yitzchak Hecht, director of Chabad of Ulster County, was moved by the support the Kingston community and wider Jewish community showed Shnaider. “The unity we saw was uplifting,” he said. “Everyone felt that we are all in it together.” (Photo: Rabbi Yitzhak Hecht)

‘This Is What Unity Looks Like’

On the Thursday morning after the attack, shiva was held at Chabad, following morning prayers, and included a community gathering held on the synagogue’s front lawn. Standing together with the Shnaider family were Rabbi Hecht and fellow Chabad of Ulster Rabbi Avraham (A.B.) Itkin, and in attendance were local politicians, among them the mayor and other elected officials, as well as the media and Jewish and non-Jewish community members.

“We are standing under a sign that says ‘Do a Mitzvah for Israel,’ ” Hecht told the gathered. “We have to do mitzvahs, and acts of goodness and kindness [with which] we can change the world and make it a better place—a G‑dly place and a holy place.”

Praying for the coming of Moshiach—a time of peace and no war—might sound like a dream, Hecht said, “but you know what? We are living in a dream now with all of the negatives. Why have a bad dream if we can live in a good dream? [Let’s] make that good dream a reality.”

Hecht was followed by Maurice, who thanked everyone for joining. Maurice spoke of his “sense of belonging amid the grief and loss” and discovering that while he’d lost his sister, “I have gained an extended family, bound by the ties of G‑d, Judaism and compassion.” He spoke of the Rebbe’s charge to battle the forces of darkness with acts of goodness and kindness.

Tuchman, who was at the gathering, says she was touched by Shnaider’s remarks at the communal event, noting especially that Shnaider had indicated that at some point in the near future, he wanted to host a party in his home where all of the people who came for shiva could come back “for a good cause.”

Tuchman was also moved by presentations and remarks of the two rabbis, Hecht and Itkin.“It was very emotional,” she says, meaning both the communal event and the general shiva. “It was both very sad and very joyful.”

As the week of shiva drew to a close, Shnaider spoke about “going back to my family and myself.” He admitted that he was feeling exhausted from interacting with so many who came to offer comfort but full of thankfulness as well.

“People came to comfort me, but I was comforting them, too,” he says thoughtfully. “This wasn’t only for me. They were doing it for Am Yisrael [the Jewish people]. People came here to make a connection to Israel and to being Jewish, and this was the unity that I saw. B’yachad—‘together’—is the word I keep using. This is what unity looks like.”

Throughout the week, hundreds made the trek to Kingston to comfort Shnaider, some driving hours to be there with him and his family. (Photo: Bruce Tuchman)

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Original Article is Published at JPost.com

Rebecca and Ken Milgrim moved to the Gaza Strip in the 1980s. Now, in 2023, they’re back in Israel, this time in Modi’in.

For Rebecca and Ken Milgram, the Gaza Strip has played an important part in their two aliyah stories. Soon after making aliyah in 1982, the Milgrams lived for four years in Moshav Katif. And now, two months after their return to Israel for good in August 2023, they are spending time babysitting grandchildren, as both a son and a son-in-law have been deployed by the IDF to the Gaza border.

The London-born Rebecca and Philadelphia-born Ken met on their 1979-80 post-high school Bnei Akiva hachsharah (training) program in Israel. “We were young and Zionistic,” reports Rebecca, who spent her year on Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu, while Ken was at Yavneh. The program included a three-month period in Jerusalem for all participants. “We just clicked!”

When the program ended, both returned home for college – Ken to the US, and Rebecca to England. The distance became insufferable in their year and a half apart. “There were no cellphones, and our once-a-week long-distance calls were expensive,” Ken notes. The two got engaged, joined a garin (a group of people who move to Israel together), got married in February 1982, and made aliyah one month later.

The Milgrams spent six months at an absorption center in Kiryat Yam (12 km. north of Haifa). Ken jokes, “They threw me out of ulpan after one week and sent me to work. My Hebrew wasn’t great, but I could read.” To which Rebecca quips, “Mine was better, and I was kicked out too!”

The Milgrams lived near Rebecca’s grandmother in Haifa and welcomed their first child, a daughter, Tamar (now 41). “It was great up there,” the Milgrams report, “but the goal was to live on kibbutz.”

WELCOMING REBECCA and Ken home. (credit: Courtesy Milgram family)

Ken and Rebecca spent a year and a half on Kibbutz Alumim, where Ken worked in the chicken coop, and Rebecca worked in the kitchen and in childcare. They note that the kibbutz “didn’t click” for them and for most of their garin, so they began exploring other options. They packed up their possessions, hired a truck driver, and relocated to Moshav Katif in what is now the Gaza Strip.

Ken recalls, “The Arab worker drove us in his truck and showed us his house in Gaza City. He told us to reach out if we needed anything.” Ken worked in the plant nursery, and Rebecca in the moshav office.

BOTH REPORT feeling safe on the moshav and in Gaza and recount regularly shopping in the town of Khan Yunis. “It was a very safe neighborhood to be in – for the most part. Then it got a little sketchy. In 1986, the army told us we needed to carry a gun to travel,” Ken adds.

The Milgrams observed the moshav to be in transition, from shared ownership to private. They again began considering their options. “We saw the writing on the wall,” notes Ken. “We didn’t have college degrees or any money and realized we’d have to reach out to our parents for help.”

The Milgrams relocated to the States, where they lived in Philadelphia and Sharon, Massachusetts, for an extended period of time. They had two more children (Jonathan, now 33; and Yardenna, now 30), completed college degrees at night, and worked – Ken as an accountant, and Rebecca in IT.

After 18 years in Philadelphia, the family relocated to the Boston suburb of Sharon for Rebecca’s job. Ken, who soon after found work as an accountant for such places as Camp Ramah in New England, was thrilled that their new city “checked all boxes,” including having an abundance of professional sports teams. “It was a good place for us.”

The Milgrams never lost sight of their dream and plan of returning to Israel. “It was always our end goal.” They note that it “got easier” as family members began moving to Israel. Their son studied on ulpan and became a lone soldier after high school; their daughter spent two years in National Service in Beit Shemesh; and their Israeli-born oldest son, who married a woman from England and spent time living there, returned to Israel in August 2022. Three months later, Ken’s mother, Arlene, made aliyah. “We realized there was nothing for us in Boston but cold weather!”

The Milgrams sold their house, packed up and shipped their possessions to Israel, and moved to Israel the day after Camp Ramah in New England let out for the summer. (Ken proudly posted photos on Facebook when their belongings finally arrived by truck at their new home in Modi’in.)

Somehow winding up living in Modi’in

THE MILGRAMS had never intended to settle in the Anglo-heavy city of Modi’in. Rebecca playfully and honestly notes, “We went for a Shabbat and hated it – it was way too Anglo!” They soon came to realize there were many wonderful things about Modi’in, including proximity to several grandchildren. The Milgrams are currently very happy residents of Modi’in, and all the grandchildren are “no more than 35 minutes away.”

They note that an important mantra that has helped them throughout the aliyah and adjustment process has been “Be all in!” They elaborate, “Don’t come with the idea that you can come for six months and see if it works. If you have one foot in, it won’t work. We sold our house and packed. That’s it. We are coming!”

They acknowledge the frustrations including Israeli bureaucracy and advise people to remember, “It is not the same as the States, it is the Israeli way – just get over it.” They also advise people to stop converting prices from shekels to dollars, as salaries are also different in Israel versus the States. “You just have to commit to it.”

The Milgrams point out that keeping American jobs (she continues to consult for her old company; he still works for Ramah—remotely during the year and in person during the summer), being close to family, and getting comfortable with Hebrew are all very helpful. But, they note, perhaps the most important thing is having a positive attitude. “Attitude is huge! You can’t allow it to get to you. Roll with the punches. There is plenty of good here.”

Forty years after their first attempt at aliyah, Ken admits, “Every so often, we go on Google Earth to see where our house was on the moshav [in Gaza]. Now it is just flat, concrete. It is a little hard. People don’t realize that Gaza City had a water park and hotels. It is not the picture people have in their heads.”

Rebecca offers, “We now live an hour and a half from the massacres.” Ken adds, “There is no place I’d rather be right now. It never once crossed our minds that we should leave.”■

The Milgrams Aliyah 1 From Philadelphia (Ken)  and Finchley, London (Rebecca) to Kiryat Yam, 1982; Aliyah 2 From Sharon, Massachusetts, to Modi’in, 2023

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