Usually at this point in the summer, I would be finished running an overnight camp program and would be visiting other camps across the country.  After eating meals, attending activities and otherwise just hanging out with hundreds of campers ages 9-16 and staff ages 18 to their mid-twenties, I would be tuned in to the kinds of things that are on the minds of children of all ages. Usually, camper questions are something like this:

-Did I get any mail?

-Can I borrow your Shabbat dress?

-What is my job on the job wheel? (Yuck, I HATE bathrooms!)

-When is Visitors Day?

-Is there a cookout tonight?

-Do I have to go on the camping trip?

Campers are generally so engaged and happy to be with friends that their few questions focus on life beyond camp.  Young counselors are generally in their happy place in camp and also focus mostly on the here and now.

-Where should I go on my day off?

-How do I look in this dress?

-Can I Venmo you?

-Who are you rooming with this semester?

This summer, most kids continue to be “stuck” at home.  Some are in day camp programs.  A few are at overnight camps, where their parents are praying no one will get Covid-19.   The questions I am hearing are mostly from bar and bat mitzvah students I continue to see on FaceTime and Zoom. 

Recent questions—all serious and one provocative—include:

 -Can we get a dog?

-Do you think we’ll get in to Hershey Park if we drive all the way down, or will it be closed if it is too full?

-Can we rent an RV to go on vacation?

-Is it ok if we eat pork in front of you? (referring to his upcoming outdoors, socially distanced bar mitzvah) 

To my delight and surprise, I haven’t heard any kids ask, “When will we stop having lessons for the summer?”  I think everyone has lost track of time—and the lessons actually serve as a not so horrible way to spend an hour each week!

“I went to a bar mitzvah this summer,” said almost nobody.   This has been a very unusual five months for 13 year olds who planned to mark bar or bat mitzvah, for their families, and for their synagogues.  

I have been preparing students for b’nai mitzvah for over 30 years, and on occasion, super extenuating circumstances meant pushing off or moving forward the date of the bar or bat mitzvah.  For example, a very sick relative, a medical need, 9/11.  But that is rare.  Covid-19 had meant hundreds if not thousands of b’nai mitzvahs being postponed or reimagined.

So far, three families I work with have had to put off Israel b’nai mitzvahs.  One Kotel bar mitzvah turned in to a very well attended 120 person all-Zoom bar mitzvah, where the mother, father and bar mitzvah boy sat at the dining room table of their Manhattan apartment, and guests tuned in from their homes all around the world.  The other families have put off Israel for now and have other plans for marking the bar and bat mitzvah in the works.

Another family had planned a Shabbat afternoon bat mitzvah in May.  Instead of being postponed indefinitely, it was simply moved to the following Monday morning, when the same torah portion was read.  It is what I call a “partial Zoom” bat mitzvah.  For the somewhat shy girl, it was the best of all worlds:  Her mother, father, one rabbi, the cantor and I all wore masks in the synagogue chapel, appropriately socially distanced.  A computer sat on a cardboard box on the bima, sharing the simcha on Zoom for all to see.  It was the first time I had worn sort of nice clothes in months!

Several of my tutoring families have changed the date and location several times.  Some held out hope for a socially distanced bat mitzvah at a backyard in the Hamptons, or a bar mitzvah at an indoor restaurant in Manhattan.  But local laws and ordinances for number of guests, indoor vs. outdoor dining, etc. keep changing.  The bat mitzvah is on hold.  The bar mitzvah moved to Connecticut, where rules for dining are different.   Other families have moved their b’nai mitzvah to Western Mass—outdoors, with a homemade siddur and a rented torah.    

The great thing I am seeing is that the students are really good sports.  Their parents are as well.  All may be disappointed; some may be a bit relieved.  Everyone seems to have perspective—this is a happy occasion during a time when so many are experiencing sadness and loss.   It is not the time to travel to Israel but Israel will always be there—maybe next year! 

And I have learned that technology can be a wonderful tool for teaching b’nai mitzvah students.  Facetime has been a wonderful way to have lessons.  Perhaps students in very remote areas can now learn for b’nai mitzvah with experienced teachers, and Zoom may continue to be a useful tool for bringing people together, even when Covid-19 is but a distant memory. 

I look forward to a future generation of perplexed grandchildren, sitting on the laps of grandparents trying to understand just what a “Zoom bar mitzvah” or a “Zoom bat mitzvah” actually was?!  

Yesterday, I mentioned some wonderful online learning opportunities which address disabilities inclusion.  At the end of the blogpost, I referred to the Kol B'Ramah Podcast.  While it is fun and worthwhile listening to interviews of Amy Skopp Cooper, Ariella Moss Peterseil and Aryeh Kaleder as part of the My Ramah Story, 5 minutes of Torah by Noam Kornsgold, and various episodes of “Pod Across Ramah” (rainy days, birthdays, trips, first days, Shabbat), I have to admit I am a drop partial to the Tikvah Impact Stories.    Yes, it is my first attempt at podcasting, but that is no reason to listen.  The stories of people who have been connected to Tikvah over the years is the reason to listen.

The Tikvah Program was founded in 1970 and has been including people with disabilities at Ramah camps since then.   You will hear from people who were participants and staff in Tikvah—from various eras. 

Yishai Barth is very articulate and brilliant.  He speaks very openly about his disabilities.  He is also a recent graduate of The Commonwealth Honors College at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Even hearing about his major is hard to understand!  He constructed his own major in social philosophy and communication theory which drew on courses in many different fields, including communications, philosophy, disability studies, sociology, education/educational philosophy, psychology, and linguistics/psycholinguistics. Are you surprised he is also wrapping up a master’s degree and likely to continue his PhD—in England!  He reports that his studies will “relate to or at the intersection of social philosophy, cultural studies, and political economy.” And Yishai is already far along on a book entitled, “The Theory of Everyone.”

Yishai learned a lot at Ramah New England and on Ramah Israel Seminar—he also taught his bunkmates and the entire community A LOT!

Read more about Yishai here—he has an awesome website, the theoryofeveryone.net 

Check out all of the podcast episodes here: 

To go directly to the interview with Yishai, click here: