He will be presenting with colleagues on “How People with Disabilities Can Make Important Contributions to the Workforce at Your Camp: A Roadmap to Set Up a Vocational Training and Employment Program at Camp.”   Looking forward to seeing so many colleagues and friends!

Rabbi Scott Kahn, left, Rabbi Binyamin Krauss, and Howard Blas

Children under the radar

Fair Lawn shul to host panel on developing talent in each student

By Leah Adler December 5, 2024, 9:59 am

You can find the original article here at JewishStandard.com

Ilona Bravman was about 3 years old the first time she was evaluated for an augmentative communication device. She had been diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy at 11 months and couldn’t move any part of her body except her hands, “so we had to really dig deep to figure out how to help her maximize her potential,” her mother, Nancy Fish Bravman, said.

The communication device turned out to be very helpful. By the time Ilona was 5, “she was very articulate on her device,” Ms. Bravman said. It became clear that she was very bright. “Ilona actually spoke at a speech therapy conference when she was 8,” her mother said. She also used the device to email, to go on Facebook, and later, to complete her college assignments.

The speech therapist who evaluated Ilona for that initial device ultimately worked with her for about 10 years. “She was Ilona’s biggest fan and always told us how brilliant she was,” Ms. Bravman said.

Years after that initial consultation, after Ilona had made significant progress, the therapist confessed to Ms. Bravman and her husband, Larry Bravman, that she had thought “they were nuts” when they first brought Ilona in, and she had wondered what they had expected her to do. “At the time, Ilona had almost no movement and no ability to speak, so really it was a challenge,” Ms. Bravman said. “And then it ended up being one of the therapist’s most rewarding experiences.

“Ilona was somebody whose strengths were very easily overlooked,” Ms. Bravman added. With the proper help, “a child who looked like she had no strengths became an incredibly vibrant, high-functioning person.”

Ilona died in 2021, when she was 28. The following year, the Bravmans, who live in Fair Lawn, started an ongoing educational series in Ilona’s memory that focuses on embracing differences. The series explores situations where people may not be noticed, or when they have needs that the community might not know how to address. The goal of the series is to make people aware of the issues and start communal conversations. The programs also are designed to help people feel less alone and to offer ideas on how parents, educators, and community leaders can help. Earlier panels in the series have focused on topics as disparate as physical disabilities, family members who choose different religious paths or identify as LGBTQ+, and children with learning or behavioral challenges.

The next program in the series will focus on “Children Under the Radar: Strategies for Noticing and Maximizing Varied Strengths and Abilities.” Rabbi Binyamin Krauss, Howard Blas, and Dr. Rayzel Yaish will speak at Congregation Shomrei Torah in Fair Lawn on December 14. (See box.) Rabbi Scott Kahn will moderate the discussion.

“No one ignores a child on purpose, but human nature being what it is, it often happens without our conscious knowledge,” Rabbi Kahn said. The CEO of Jewish Coffee House, he founded and hosts its “Orthodox Conundrum” podcast, and co-hosts its “Intimate Judaism” podcast. “In a group setting, it’s almost inevitable that some people will receive more attention than others,” he continued. “In a classroom, for example, a student who participates, or who gets the best grades, or is disruptive, or is the class clown, will likely get more of the teacher’s time and attention. On the other hand, there are likely those who blend into the background simply because they’re doing fine — that is, their grades are fine, they don’t misbehave in class, and the teacher can (perhaps unconsciously) think, ‘That’s one student I don’t have to worry about too much.’”

While that is understandable, Rabbi Kahn said, “it also leads to kids falling between the cracks. They might have incredible talents that will never be discovered or actualized because no one took time to notice, or to encourage them, or to make them feel that they have real worth.

“We owe it to our children to ensure that just because they don’t demand positive or negative attention, we don’t end up ignoring them.”

Rabbi Kahn, who used to run a gap-year yeshiva in Israel, recognizes that he has “fallen into this trap.

“The fact that it’s so common, the fact that it’s just the way group dynamics work, ironically makes it harder to identify.”

Rabbi Krauss, the principal of SAR Academy in Riverdale, grew up with Ilona’s parents, so being part of an event in her memory is particularly meaningful for him.

Like Rabbi Kahn, he stressed the importance of “making sure that you’re reaching all the kids.

“The question of which kids we’re reaching and which kids we might not be reaching, or how we make sure to be reaching everybody, is something that I think every educator should be concerned about and should be focused on,” Rabbi Krauss said. “It’s something that we try to do at SAR, but it’s always something that needs to be reinforced and reinvigorated.

“Schools are thoughtful about issues in general, and especially about our responsibility to each and every student in particular,” he added, and feels this becomes particularly important as schools get bigger. “There’s always a focus on what I would call the extremes — enrichment or support” — which can result in a reduced focus on kids who are “doing fine. But all our kids should be not doing just fine, they should be thriving.”

Dr. Yaish, a clinical psychologist and the director of guidance at Ma’ayanot High School in Teaneck, also is concerned about the effects focusing on the extreme can have. “There are children who are quiet by nature, and therefore sometimes may not get noticed in a school setting or even in a camp setting but are still longing for connection and want to be part of their communities,” she said. “They just kind of have a harder time naturally being noticed.” She also sees “sort of a bias toward children not being quiet” since teachers tend to “want children to participate in class.”

Others might wind up ‘under the radar’ because their interests are not a natural fit in a school or camp setting, Dr. Yaish continued. “So for example, that might be someone whose passion or interest is not as clear cut let’s say as sports or academics, maybe it’s a kid who’s really amazing at the creative arts or the performing arts or a kid who is extra sensitive or extra kind or extra respectful, but it’s just not as easy to spot or nurture.

“It’s not a flashy topic, because it’s by nature being someone that may fall under the radar, so we as a community need to be reminded on behalf of those kids to sort of try to pay attention to them in a healthy and better way.”

Not every child is going to have a passion or an area where they shine, Dr. Yaish added. And that’s okay. What’s important is that they feel appreciated and that they are part of a community. At the same time, “there is a way to help them sort of look at options and potential paths. I don’t have to be, let’s say, a passionate, creative writer, but maybe I do want to try my hand at the school newspaper just to see if that could be interesting to me. A little bit of push to try things feels to me like an adult obligation. To notice and point out opportunities even to a kid who’s not searching them up themselves.”

She also feels it’s important to “help them be heard in a way that will help them be part of the community. So to exercise their voice, to try some new things.” She stressed that the goal is not to ensure that they shine at something “but I think there is a piece of feeling valued in the community that really could fall at risk, even for a kid who’s content by nature to be quiet, if we are not supporting them to say that you have a role and we want to hear you also. I think it’s a very fine line.

“This is an area that I think schools do struggle with because no one wants to push someone when they’re not ready to come out of their comfort zone, but we also don’t want to make the mistake of ignoring an opportunity to help someone grow, develop, explore.” She sees kids in her office “who are experiencing pain, who sort of feel like they haven’t cracked the code on how to become part of their communities.” In school, she sees quieter kids “who are really happy to be in their community in a quiet way” and others “who are hitting a point where they really feel like they are stuck in a way that isn’t working for them and they do need help from the adults around them.

“Ironically, sometimes people get really intimidated by quiet kids because they don’t give you the feedback or the smile, the words that we’re used to,” she continued. “We’re a very verbal society, so that that’s how we communicate. There’s this sad sort of conundrum where an adult can feel intimidated by a quiet kid who’s really not trying to intimidate but doesn’t know how to give that feedback. That neutrality actually makes adults tiptoe around them because they don’t want to push them too hard. So sometimes they end up getting avoided, and then that feels bad. They don’t realize that the adults are not trying to ignore them, they’re actually trying to respect them. So we’re trying to help define that line of respect and appreciation and to help the adults listening sort of learn how to push past that intimidation.

“My worry is that some of these kids, by having so many years of people not connecting with them, will that leave them floundering later in life when other peers have made teacher connections or sports connections or other connections and they don’t have those? So we’re really trying to raise awareness that these kids need a certain focus and a certain care.”

Howard Blas is a senior adviser at the National Ramah Tikvah Network, a program for people with disabilities at Ramah camps. He also teaches a lot of adolescents for their bar or bat mitzvahs and has seen that kids have very different skills and interests.

“I feel like we often times reward book skills and knowledge, sort of pointing kids to very sort of stereotypically Jewish academic fields — law, investment banking — and we’re not often thinking about kids who have other skills and interests, like kids who are really good with their hands, or are more creative,” he said. He thinks it’s important for teachers “to be able to see all kinds of different skills and interests that kids have.

“The point is to really be on the lookout not just for kids who are amazing with mastering Talmud or calculus, but also who have other skills. And not minimizing them or putting them to the side as kind of like a hobby.” These skills can often become “a career or something that builds your self-esteem.

“You can nurture those things and not give the message that it’s kind of outside of intelligence and things that are valued.”

And he thinks every child has some skill or interest that can be nurtured. “I think you just have to try to figure out what that thing is. I think we owe it to those other kids to look for those opportunities.”

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Who: Rabbi Binyamin Krauss, Howard Blas, Dr. Rayzel Yaish, and Rabbi Scott Kahn

What: Will talk about “Children Under the Radar: Strategies for Noticing and Maximizing Varied Strengths and Abilities”

When: Saturday, December 14, at 7:30 p.m.

Where: Congregation Shomrei Torah in Fair Lawn. Livestream available at inspiredbyilona.com

More information at: inspiredbyilona.com

By Bracha Schwartz | November 27, 2024

You can view the original article here at jewishlink.news

“Children Under the Radar” will examine why it’s important for every child to be noticed.

There are all kinds of students in a class. Some are smart and sharp; they raise their hands right away to answer the teacher’s questions. Others love to make the class laugh, or behave badly to get attention. But what about those who sit quietly, appear to pay attention and don’t raise any red flags? Are they OK?

“Children Under the Radar,” the latest program in the “Inspired by Ilona” series at Congregation Shomrei Torah, will be held on Saturday night, Dec. 14 at 7:30 p.m. It will look at why it’s important for every child to be noticed and the potential consequences when teachers or counselors fail to acknowledge them. The discussion will be moderated by Rabbi Scott Kahn, host of the “Orthodox Conundrum” podcast. Panelists include Rabbi Binyamin Krauss, principal of SAR Academy; Dr. Rayzel Yaish, clinical psychologist at Ma’ayanot Yeshiva High School for Girls; and Howard Blas, senior adviser, National Ramah Tikvah Network for the Ramah Camping Movement.

Nancy Bravman, sponsor of the series along with her husband, Larry, in memory of their daughter Ilona, said the overall idea of the series is to bring awareness about children with differences of all kinds. Ilona taught her family, and everyone she knew, about recognizing strengths that aren’t apparent. Due to her disabilities, you had to get to know Ilona to realize her capabilities. “Ilona had amazing self-esteem and confidence because when people looked deeper, they saw how incredible she was,” said Bravman.

After the Bravmans brainstormed about program topics with Shomrei Torah’s Rabbi Andrew Markowitz and Rabbi Kahn, the group hit upon the importance of recognizing children under the radar, the ones who are generally quiet and sometimes ignored because they are not stars or problems. “I was one of those children,” said Nancy Bravman. “I was quiet and felt maybe I wasn’t valued or couldn’t be as successful. And now as a therapist, I see how not being noticed has an effect.”

I asked the panelists to give me some advance thoughts on what they will be speaking about. “The most important thing I can do as the moderator is to start a conversation to raise awareness that this problem exists,” said Rabbi Kahn. “I hope that we’ll get some specific skills that people can take home and use in their own lives as parents, or as teachers.” The consequence of being under the radar might be that a child has an interest or ability that is never encouraged. One example he gave is the story of J.K. Rowling, one of today’s most successful secular authors. “She was a perfectly fine, normal student and she was kind of ignored in school,” he said. “She was an introvert. And only many years later when she was at her economic wits’ end, she found that thing that had been there all along. Wouldn’t it be great if she had found it 10 or 20 years earlier because a great teacher, or some other person who could be an inspiring figure in her life, had pulled it out of her? Sometimes we need those leaders, those people who are inspiring figures in our child’s life, to draw something out. I can look at teachers who saw more in me than I saw in myself.”

Yaish noted that children can behave differently at school and at home. Parents may not realize that their lively, outgoing child is invisible in class. There are also times when the parents are aware of an interest or talent the child has and can bring it to the attention of the school. Yaish said that this week a parent told the school that their daughter is a “hero” in their synagogue because she loves taking care of a kid with disabilities. The parent asked if there was a way for her to have that experience in school. “We’re trying to find space where she can do that,” said Yaish. “She wouldn’t have thought to ask us for it, and we wouldn’t have known that was a strength for her.” The clinical psychologist cautioned that sometimes helping an under-the-radar kid can be harder than it sounds. “It’s ironic but a kid who is under the radar can inadvertently make an adult uncomfortable by not giving the feedback that others do because they’re just kind of quieter. Teachers and principals and camp people have to push themselves to get past this and say, ‘they need my help to do this.”

Camp is another world for children where they can discover new ways to shine, or be unhappy because they can’t find their niche. Blas said that camp can help a kid—who perhaps is not strong academically but has a talent for sports or art—blossom. And if the parent is on top of that, they can even direct a kid to a camp that specializes in that interest. It’s also important for parents to let the camp know when their child has an issue, instead of hiding it and hoping it will resolve itself. “If a parent tells us, ‘These are my kid’s issues,’ like maybe he’s on the autism spectrum and looks like a typical kid but doesn’t read social cues, we say, ‘Great, thank you for telling us.’ We can probably manage this. But some parents think if they mention it, the kid is going to get sent home. It’s exactly the opposite. If you tell us in advance, we can prepare for it and staff better.”

Rabbi Krauss said that the culture at SAR, an open school, facilitates interaction and engagement between the faculty and students. “Even if there are 50 students davening and an adult notices that one of them is unhappy, they can ask the student, without being pushy or prying. It makes a difference to kids that adults actually care about them,” he said. “We have kids for 40 hours a week; that’s a lot of time to get to know them. Nobody wants to be invisible.”

Understanding each person’s strengths is a mandate we get from Tanach. “We’re in the middle of the book of Breishit, which starts with the unique character of each individual in the world and their infinite value,” explained Rabbi Krauss. “If each child and each person in this world has infinite value and is also unique, then if you’re in school, we have to both recognize your infinite value and help you find your unique place and foster that. That’s part of what we hope happens for our kids within the school setting or camp setting or shul setting—whatever social setting you might be in within our community.”

The program, which will be featured on the “Orthodox Conundrum” podcast at a later date, will take place at Congregation Shomrei Torah, 19-10 Morlot Avenue in Fair Lawn and will be livestreamed. For security reasons, pre-register for in-person attendance at www.inspiredbyilona.com to facilitate entry into the building. The livestream link will be available on www.inspiredbyilona.com.